Thursday, June 23, 2016

Love is Love #OrlandoStrong

Last week was quite an emotional week and this week is still no different. Our hearts are broken and trying to find a solution to this ongoing problem. Our world is trying to heal after the attack in Orlando and time will heal the wounds; but for now we are uniting as a people to get through this tragic event.

My heart was already heavy hearing of Christina Grimmie losing her life so tragically, so sudden. Then to wake two days later to the news of what happened in Orlando was almost too much to take. It really shook me to my core because not only were these victims so young, but a lot of them are my fellow Puerto Rican people. A day after they announced their names, I found out my cousins were close to two of the victims. I couldn't stop crying knowing that my cousins were hurting and I can't even hug them since they live far away.

All I can do is let them know that I'm here, I'm praying for them and for all the families and friends who lost 49 beautiful souls. I don't even understand why hate has to come into this world because nine times out of ten, love conquers all. Love always wins. We get it that we need more love, we need more tolerance, more empathy and understanding of others' differences. Even though tragedy shouldn't be the reason to start opening our eyes that we need to love more, sometimes it's a wake up call. I hope that this time, the solution will come soon. For now, I think we just need to love everyone because life is too short not to.

Love not only others, but ourselves as well. This person that did this heinous hate crime was having an inner battle with himself and hated that part of himself, which also extended to him hating gay people. I read somewhere that he resented Puerto Ricans because of being rejected and used. I know rejection is hard for anyone to take, but it's about how you accept it and move on. Supposedly he wanted to find love and resented them because he was involved with one of them who later told him they had HIV. So a source close to him came forward saying this was most likely payback for what they did to him.

This person was a ticking time bomb for a few years now. It was only a matter of time and circumstances that sadly led him to this. First it was his outrage when two gay men kissed in public, then it was the rejection he experienced and then the HIV possibility he might be infected.

There's a scripture in the Bible that says, "For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed." (John 3:20) When I think of what must've been going on with this guy is exactly what this says - He hated gay people because they were free to be who they are and free to love who they love, all the while he's in the closet (in darkness) and resents them for being proud and living their life as they see fit. He was living a double life and probably grew up hating being gay and/or not wanting to accept his truth.

If his wife really knew that he was about to go off then I hope they charge her and put her in prison. How do you not come forward? That's totally a rhetorical question because it doesn't make sense to me.

I wish I had an answer to resolve this issue from happening again in the future. All we can do is donate, be supportive, be understanding, teach our next generation tolerance and most of all love 'til no tomorrow. Love is love and love conquers all. God bless ❤︎

Monday, June 6, 2016

Coming Home

It's the first week of June, so happy June y'all. May was a tumultuous month for me with the growing pains I endured, but June seems to be starting off on a good note. Never thought I would actually be living back with my parents, but that's what happened. Things didn't work out at my friend Lisa's house and being back home was my best and only option.

Seeing how I'm working in this part of town now, it was a no brainer to live with my family. I was too stubborn for my own good and honestly should've moved back home a year ago, but instead I insisted on renting and that ran its course. Live and learn right?

Coming home has been a blessing for a few reasons. I get to see my family every day. I ran into an old neighbor and talked to her for awhile. I'm feeling like a kid again because mom cooks most of the time and even serves my plate. My mom's dog, Mona Lisa, is so affectionate and has actually helped me heal from the loss of my pup Sebastian. I come home to a house full of people/pets who love me and would never turn their back on me and that's comforting.

My new job is going great, albeit demanding. Hoping next month I will get an extra day off, but for now I'm working nonstop so I may not be on the blogosphere as much. Gotta get my life back on track and that requires for me to go to work, work, work, work, work, work (Rihanna's song).

My baby sister Mia graduated highschool last week and I couldn't be anymore proud.

Miss you guys!! Follow me on Snapchat - "bellaimami". I'll do my best to snap as much as I can. Have a great week loves!

Thursday, June 2, 2016

The Hardest Decision I Had to Make

It's been a week and I now feel a little better to blog about the hardest decision I had to make in my life so far. My baby Sebastian went to doggie heaven last Thursday morning. I was in denial for the longest time (probably a year) that his quality of life just wasn't what it used to be. It took my own mother to help me realize that something had to give and that he needed an end to his suffering. Sebastian was staying with my mom while I was living with my friend.

She was heartbroken, crying and letting me know that my dog was in bad shape. I didn't want to accept it, I wanted to keep him around as long as I could, but I can't be that selfish. He lost his sight a year and a half ago and ever since then he's not the same dog. He used to roll around on the carpet and be chipper all the time and when he lost his sight (since he had cataracts), he was mopey and would sleep a lot.

Two days before I made that choice, my mom called me really concerned that he must've had some type of seizure because he fell after losing his balance, was weak and when he tried to get back up he was shaking out of control. I tried to prepare myself, but nothing can prepare you when you're about to lose your beloved pet.

Sebastian came into my life as soon as I graduated college. He was my mom's college graduation present and I remember she called me and left me a voicemail letting me know she got me something and that I needed to pick it up. I knew right away she got me a dog. I had asked her for one, but I didn't expect it to happen so soon. When I picked him up from her house, I remember thinking his haircut was a hot mess and he's not that cute of a dog! I know that's wrong to think, but I'm just being real. It really was a bad haircut.

I literally felt like I gave birth and I was now responsible for this little dog. To my surprise he was well behaved, potty trained and we got along fine. He was around 5 years old when I got him, since we rescued him from the pound. Fast forward 9 years later, he's around 14 years old (98 in human age I think).

He was not a lap dog by any means. He would get off my lap as fast as he could and never mind trying to get him to sleep on my bed. He would never relax and would jump off the bed. There was this one time though that he cuddled on the couch with me and finally relaxed and took a nap. I will never forget that day because it was extremely rare if he would ever do such a thing.

When I would take him for a walk and a neighbor would interact with him, they would put his hand out and he would never lick them. I had to tell them that he doesn't lick because he wouldn't even lick his own mom! I actually hated licking for a long time and I was happy that my dog wasn't a licker. Now that I'm older, I love when my mom's dog Mona Lisa licks me, she's so sweet.

He would never bark and I loved that about him. He would only bark when someone would knock on the door and that was it. The past year or so I seriously hadn't heard him bark because I think he also lost his hearing so he didn't know what was going on.

I seriously envied friends who had lap dogs, cuddle buddies and dogs that would respond to their owner's pain by being by their side because my dog was very distant. He was almost like a cat. I think whoever had him before me may have mistreated him so he wasn't that trusting or affectionate. For that, I don't blame him at all. I am just thankful that he was still in my life when I needed a companion and put cute costumes on.

While I was at my friend's house for a few days, my dog hardly ate and I think it was because of his separation from me. When I came back to my mom's, I held him the morning we took him to the clinic and his little ribs were poking out. Also if I touched his back, I could feel his spine. I held him for a little while and not long after he was trying to break free.

Once we got to the clinic, my mom asked me if I wanted to be there until his last breath and I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it. I had to be at work right after that and I wasn't up to it so I opted to leave him and have them do it without me seeing him go.

The guy at the clinic told me to sign the sheet that says I authorize them to do the procedure and as soon as I signed it, I started crying and my mom did as well. They gave us a few minutes in the room with him and I held him, petted him and he actually stayed put allowing me to show him affection.

Oh wow, I am bawling my eyes out trying to write this post.. tissues everywhere.

So the guy picked him up and I took off his collar so that I could keep it as a keepsake. I held his little paw one last time and he sniffed the guy who was holding him and as I started to walk away and looking back at him, he was very quiet and seemed at peace. In the past, when I've taken him to clinics, he would get super anxious and almost cry, but this last visit he was calm.

In the back of my mind I still doubt if I even made the right choice, but then reason steps in and tells me that it was the right choice because he's no longer in pain.

My sweet boy, I just want you to know that you were loved so much. I didn't realize you had been with me for almost 10 years and you really made me happy, in your own way. Now you can play with Toby who was gone before you a year ago and wait for me at the rainbow bridge. You'll always live in my heart.

I'm thankful that I rescued you, but in the end I think it was you who rescued me.

I'm not saying goodbye, instead I'll say I'll see you later my little friend. With love, mommy Bella.

RIP Sebastian Ramos 05.26.16.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Bloom Where You Are Planted

Life changes are somehow brought on from life's circumstances and little of it comes as a result of your own actions. All you can do is make a decision on how you're going to face it all because whether you like it or not, it's a moving train and you have to jump on board. Nothing prepared me to face what came next since my last post.

I thought with changing jobs, getting my car fixed after the accident, that I was finally going to get a break. Then just like that I got an email from my landlord {I was renting a room from this lady who owns the house I was living in for a year}, informs me that she's terminating my contract. I only had 14 days to move out and she was getting a new tenant to move in the first week of June. Right away I called my mom and I couldn't help but cry my eyes out because I didn't comprehend how this was happening to me when I was doing my best to do things right.

The issue wasn't paying rent because that was already paid for, but it was because of my dog. He's old and can't hold his pee anymore like he used to so he goes every 2 hours instead of the normal 4 to 6 hours. Even though I cleaned my room and used pee pads for him, he sometimes would miss and the carpet started getting messed up. I guess my roommates complained to her and didn't tell me anything so to say I was blindsided is an understatement.

Because I work crazy long hours now working in car sales business, my only day off is Sunday. So this past weekend {4 days after getting her email} I packed my shit and moved the fuck out. I couldn't stand being in that house one more minute. I was furious at my roommates for being shit heads and not communicating, I was furious at my landlord for not giving me at least 30 days {the contract I signed said she only has to give me 5 days notice; which is BS} and I just wanted to move so I can be closer to work.

Now I'm staying with my BFF Lisa in uptown, closer to work and although I haven't gotten a good night's sleep since she's a night owl worse than I am, at least it's temporary until I find my own place. All my things are in storage and at least I don't have to pay rent.

I've been doing well at my new job. I started on the sales floor last Friday and sold a car my first day! I was ecstatic and last night was my third day on the floor and I sold another car again. So not too shabby being a newbie and selling cars like hot cakes.

Recently I found out that Mercury was in retrograde and it seriously made sense why things were going haywire during this past month. As this site explains why Mercury is in retrograde, "It’s because Mercury rules communication, clear thinking, truth and travel, so when the planet goes retrograde — which means that it looks like it’s going backwards in the sky — all those things go backwards. They start to get ugly and tangle up."

So I'm going to go with the flow like I have been, not dwell on people who did me wrong, but just let it go and move on because that's all I can do. Ain't nobody got time for dat! I gotta keep my focus on the good things that are happening because that makes me feel like life is only going to get better. 

I'm planted firmly on the ground and now it's time to bloom.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

The Rest is Still Unwritten

Hey y'all! I have amazing news and I feel as if I could explode of happiness. Life is so insane because one minute you are beside yourself with what could be going on in your life; then the next minute you hear the best news in the world that will completely turn your day around. After going through training for long ass hours last week, I landed the job officially: Selling cars! Honda cars to be exact. Someone pinch me because this job is a game changer for me.

It's not only something I've never done before, but it's pretty much a new career. Never in my life would I have imagined myself standing where I am now, selling cars, but here I am. I'm embracing this change and although it's exciting, I'm a little nervous. I haven't interacted with customers in person in gosh, 8 years? I've been cooped up at a desk job and this is going to be completely different.

If you remember that song Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield, that's what's playing on my mind as I'm writing this. I also loved watching The Hills on MTV when it was poppin'.

Nothing else is new; my car is still at the shop with no ETA for when it will be fixed. Dating life sucks and I have no time for it hence why I'm enjoying my single life. I joined Helene's Blog Boss Babe community and I'm uber excited. I can't wait to receive my mug! I can't find a pic of it yet, so I guess you'll have to wait and look out for it on social media. Found it!

I found a new smoothie place {Nekter Juice Bar} that actually makes breakfast bowls, yum! This one is the Acai Banana Berry bowl. It was so good, I want to try their other bowls and most likely lick the container once I'm done.

It's way past my bedtime so I'm gonna wrap this up. How's y'alls week going so far?