The Last Poem I Wrote

Happy Saturday! I wanted to share with y’all the last poem I wrote. I know in my last post reviewing Big Magic, I mentioned that I used to write poetry as a teen. The other night I found my last poem I wrote when I was heartbroken over my ex Sidney and I’m perplexed to find that I actually made it rhyme (that was a challenge for me back in highschool). Well, it seems that when you’re heartbroken and fast forward 10 years later, your inspiration can surprise you.

Drifting (Written on July 16, 2008 – a year before we broke up for good)

Time has come & gone, yet I still see the man I fell in love with
Though recently I see that man fading & I’m not so sure who you are anymore
You & I were the best of friends, always there for each other, always supporting & loving
I’m not sure that’s how things are between us, we’re fading
I still hold on though, because I hope that we can make it
I see a future with you, but somehow I feel you fake it
You say you want me there, then you say you’re not sure
I don’t know why I wait around, maybe I want you to realize that I’m true
I can’t make you be who I need you to be, I just wish that you could see what we could be
Strive to be the man I need to love me the way I need to be loved
Long to be connected with me & know my heart in & out like you did once before
Know that I value myself & won’t settle, so cherish what we have before I’m gone
Our love has outlasted most marriages, I feel like we’re married & that’s not even the case
I want to be happy & make you happy, though I’m not sure I bring a smile to your face
Love is earned & you’ve shown me love in many ways
I can’t help but feel conflicted that maybe love is floating away
I can’t be the only one reaching for it while you sit & wait
What are you waiting for? I feel stuck & it’s getting late
I’ll go to sleep now & when I wake, will I feel the same?
Will I feel the same, or will I let you know how I’m feeling?
Last thing I wanted was to lose you, then again you’re losing me too
I don’t know what to do, all I know is to be true
Be true to myself & be realistic
It shouldn’t be this hard to love you, but it is

The more you hurt me, the more our memories fade
You’ve pushed me so much further away I don’t know how to be your anything
You’ve told me before you don’t want to be with anyone that doesn’t want you in return
Well, this time that’s what’s happened with you & I feel the burn
You’ve put others before me & yourself, as well
I don’t feel special to you & that’s sad to tell
I love you immensely, yet you seem to love me less
You’ve stopped believing in me & that makes me feel like I’m a mess
I think you want me to be you, but I am my own person
I have a lot of good in me that you just don’t see
All you seem to focus is on my bad qualities
We don’t bring out the best in each other & that’s a shame
Because I wanted you & no other
I think this is the end of our journey
I wish you well, you will always have a place in my heart, Sidney.

I’m thinking of going back to writing poetry again, or better yet my very first memoir… stay tuned.

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