Thankful & Blessed

It’s always the shortest weeks that feel the longest, don’t they? Thanksgiving is finally here and I know for me it felt like it took forever for it to get here. Before I go into what I’m thankful for I just want to share the mental battle I had to overcome and the end result.

There’s this song I heard last week that I really connected with and it’s been a long time since I’ve felt touched by a song, it was like magic. I just kept saying to myself wow, that song is about me!

It just makes me laugh because I would often tell him to give me some space (physically and metaphorically). I’m not sure if you guys have heard of the love languages, but there’s 5 of them: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Words of Affirmation.

If you don’t know what yours is, you can take a quiz to find out. {Comment with what yours was, I’m curious}. Mine are words of affirmation and quality time. Nestor’s is physical touch and quality time. So it’s been interesting trying to compromise because I don’t like to be constantly touched where it tickles. I just need quality time, give me compliments, write me letters, encouragement.

That being said, there were situations that were about to become real and even though I thought I was fine with it, as time ticked on, I realized I wasn’t ready. I acted on my emotions, on my impulses and now I was freaking out that I put myself into a pickle. So my brain went into overdrive figuring out what to do to resolve this problem I was facing. What’s more frustrating is that I couldn’t find the answers right away and it took several hours and energy thinking of a solution.

I even stayed up til 4am one night and got only 4 hours of sleep. Not fun.

It all boiled down to communicating with Nestor. Once I did, I was scared, but I knew I had to do it because the problem was going to get bigger if I didn’t address it head on. He is such an amazing person because I knew it wasn’t a treat hearing what I was feeling, but after a day he reassured me he understands where I’m coming from.

Anytime we’ve had talks like this, it makes me so happy that I have a good man. It also makes my feelings for him grow stronger and that’s always a good feeling.

{I can’t tell y’all exactly what the problem is because time needs to take place before I can really get real on my blog. I wouldn’t want someone to stumble on my blog and feel salty as a result. I will share soon enough though.}

When I think about how my life was exactly a year ago, it was quite the opposite. I was heartbroken because the guy I dated at work was two timing me with a fellow coworker and that was such a nightmare. I’ve grown so much from that experience as well as the hardships I went through earlier this year.

To now have Nestor in my life is such a blessing. To be surrounded by my family who I get to wake up to every day is such a blessing. To have a job where my coworkers are so nice and have my back is a blessing. To be back in my hometown where I grew up makes me feel centered and safe, that’s a blessing. To have my health is definitely a blessing. To have my wonderful readers check back on my blog even when I blog sporadically, that’s one hell of a blessing.

I’m thankful that I didn’t let fear win and rob me of the joy I now feel when I look into Nestor’s eyes. I’ve been alone for so long that my old habits were fighting to keep things the same and not welcome the change; the new relationship. My brain was resisting hardcore and even dared to give up altogether. My heart was battling my mind though because it knows that this man won’t break it, instead he’s filled it with tenderness and care.

The heart won. The brain finally shut up.

I looked up this IG poet RM Drake and he’s on to something. I need to read his books because his poetry is on fleek. Just sayin.

He’s right though. Overthinking like I have done, complicates things. I realized later after the battle was over that I was mostly fearful because I don’t want to lose him. I have waited for so long to have someone like him and I was psyching myself out. So annoying.

I told him the other night that I can never leave him because I adore him. That’s the truth. Why would I? He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m kicking myself that I was almost sabotaging what we have because fear wanted to take the wheel. Pfft. Crazy.

Anyway, I hope y’all have a blessed and hearty Happy Thanksgiving with your loved ones! Eat lots of turkey and don’t do too much shopping! Much love from Dallas, xo.

PS. I want to share this pic I took of him last week. He hates this pic but I love it because I like the way he’s looking at me as I snapped this. Just add the hearts onto his eyes, haha. My handsome.