This week has been so rough I’m just relieved it’s over. I am normally pretty level headed, but this week my limits were tested and I was diving into the depths of anger, frustration, rage, you name it. I’ll start off with what happened yesterday at my work parking lot.
So this lady is with her back door open facing the empty spot that I’m trying to pull up in. I wait for a second and notice that this bitch is really taking her sweet ol’ time and doesn’t give a shit to move the door so that I could pull in. I was literally seconds away from honking at her, like are you fucking kidding me? So finally when I was able to park I screeched my tires so that she would hear them because at this point I was LIVID. Like, we are at a work parking lot, how about you show some courtesy to your coworker and move the fucking door?
She’s lucky we were at a work parking lot. Otherwise, I would’ve cussed her ass out. So as I’m gathering my purse, my coffee, my badge and phone I step out of my car and she yells, “Was that really necessary?!” In my head I’m thinking, “Absofuckinglutely”.
Instead I ignored her hard core and kept walking. Yeah it was absolutely necessary just like it was absolutely necessary for her to feel entitled to take her time and slowly gather her things and not give a shit that people need to park. I made sure to take the stairs because there was no way in hell I was gonna get in the elevator with her because a fight would have broken out.
I finally get to my desk and I’m slamming my purse down, my badge, I am still fuming. No one mess with me today because it’s not gonna be pretty.
It got worse much later, but I can’t even get into it for the person who I could blog about very well could be reading this and there’s no need to add more fuel to the fire.
I’m just gonna say that I am fed up of giving to people who don’t deserve it. I give them my time, my ear to listen to them, my heart and love… all for what? For when I need them or need someone to comfort me when I’m sad and hurting, they are NOWHERE to be fucking found. That’s sad! I get ignored, stood up and yelled at. I am too old for this shit and I won’t subject myself to people trying to treat me like I’m indispensable when I’m not.
We all have our bad days, but that doesn’t give you a free pass or get out of jail free card to do as you damn well please!! If anything it makes me wanna turn around and treat them just like they’ve been treating me and maybe then it will become crystal clear for them.
What makes this all a big shithole of a situation is that people have SUCH HUGE EGOS that they won’t say they’re sorry. If I express that they’ve hurt me, or how I would never treat them that way because how would they feel if I did that to them, no apologies will come about. Somehow people think that apologizing is admitting that they were in the wrong where sometimes it can be, but mostly it’s acknowledging that you hurt someone who cares about you. When you don’t apologize, it’s like you’re stabbing them with a knife with a smile on your face and you don’t care. What the what? Just say you’re sorry and that could appease so many stirred up emotions and calm someone from a raging Hulk to a sound baby.
I just know I’m not gonna get an apology. I feel so disrespected, embarrassed, and hurt with how this person treated me. It’s funny because those are the feelings I would never want them ever to feel coming from me. I’ve done the opposite for them, I have made them smile and laugh when they’re having a bad day, I’ve listened to them when they were hurt about something someone else had done, I have been there and drove over to them right away when they needed someone. When it came to me, crickets. I express that I’m sad.. crickets. I express I feel lonely.. crickets.
I really cared about this person, but it’s getting to the point where I’m being hurt and there’s nothing I can do to get this person to listen. It’s almost like I’m dealing with another Pedro. No thanks! Been there done that. I’ll figure things out as the days come, but I seriously reached the breaking point. One of my friends said to me that I am so giving and so forgiving because if this had happened to them, they would’ve stopped being friends with them long ago. I guess I was hoping things would change.
It could very well be that everything that’s happened is not anything that I did. This is something that they have to figure out their own and I just know I can’t be a part of it anymore. I need to let them go and hope they figure things out. I thought I could challenge and make this person better, but unless they are wanting to seek that change and take that challenge, I can’t make them. They have to want to be open and listen even if what is said is not what they wanna hear.
It’s basically adult living 101. I have been around long enough to know the lessons this person may not yet know, but it’s not my duty to teach them. In the same token, I’m not gonna keep dragging myself with them hoping they will grab my hand and keep me beside them, they have left me behind and I know it’s not personal. I couldn’t help but take it personal because I’m an emotional person, but I really think it’s not all about me. If I have been nothing but positive in their life and they have all this negativity they are trying to push over me, it’s not anything that I’ve done wrong. I have been myself through it all and if I can’t keep being myself; it just hurts too much.
This quote says it all especially the last part: Surround yourself with good people. I also love this quote I heard before, “Go where you’re celebrated, not tolerated“. Have a good weekend loves! Go where you’re celebrated!