Confessions: My Funny Flaws

Today’s confessions I will confess about my flaws. I think everyone gets to a point where they acknowledge their flaws and can work on them to improve themselves. I’m gonna show you an ironic side though, nothing too serious, just lighthearted facts about me which I hope will make your day better if you’re not already having one. So let’s get this party started!

I confess I am clumsy as hell. Just to prove to you how clumsy I am I will give you a few scenarios that have actually taken place.

+ I spill drinks and food is no exception. While I was at brunch with my friend this past weekend, I poured the creamer onto my coffee cup to where it freaking overflowed! all over the menus and part of the table, WTF! Thankfully, I didn’t get it on my friend or on myself, but it was a close call.

I spill food too and this one is actually a hilarious experience when I think back on it. I was having lunch with my friends at Olive Garden and as I was packing up my entree into my doggie bag, I was trying to put the chicken onto the plastic plate when suddenly I missed and the chicken bounced off the plate onto the floor! Noooooo! This was the chicken marsala and I was really upset.

Thankfully the manager was so kick ass there, they made me a whole entree to take home. I thought they were just gonna make me a new chicken, but nope, they made me a whole Chicken Marsala entree. I guess being clumsy has its upside.

Now I wouldn’t be surprised if one day I’m walking down the aisle and I trip underneath my wedding gown, stumble and fall flat on my face with my bouquet floating through the air and everyone trying to hold their breath trying not to bust out laughing. Story of my life that would be. At that point I think I would army crawl to give myself some extra time to regain my composure and not feel as embarrassed, but I doubt it. That would be so fucking embarrassing I would be mortified. Can you imagine?

A long time ago when I was in highschool, my cousin and I were at a basketball game and I got one of those hot links with the bun so it was like a giant hot dog. We were seating on the bleachers just so you get a visual. As I sunk my teeth in, the link flew out of the bun and hit a guy on the back of his head who was sitting in front of me. My cousin and I saw it all happen almost like in slow motion and we immediately turned our faces away and started laughing! Oh my God!! I can’t believe that shit happened. I couldn’t say sorry because I was so embarrassed. I think we both were. Best believe he was mad, I could see it in his face but he didn’t say anything.

+ Sometimes I sleep walk. I’m not talking where I walk outside and wander around like a zombie from Walking Dead because that would be hilarious. I think it happens when I’m stressed, really depressed, or both. I slept walked twice last week. What happens is I get up in the middle of the night, turn the light on, having this feeling like I gotta do something and then I can’t figure it out because I’m asleep, I turn the light off and go back to sleep. I don’t even know if that’s sleep walking, but that’s what I’m going with because what the hell else would it be? I’m not crazy so scratch that.

One other time, I used to sleep with my clip in hair extensions in and I kid you not, one day I sat up abruptly in my bed and I took off one of the pieces off my hair and threw it across the room then went back to sleep. What the fuck right? I crack myself up when I think back on that because that was really strange and off the wall.

+ I say things wrong which ends up sounding literally. Few weeks ago I told my coworker that I would like to wear bangs and I asked her and my other coworker, “Am I bang material?” They had a laugh on that one. Then I said “Wait, that came out wrong“. One of them said “Yeah I think you’re bang worthy“. Last week it was so hot in the office I told my coworker who didn’t believe us it was hot as hell, I told her “Dude, I’m sweating in my pants, that’s hot“. Everyone started laughing. I was like “Uh, wait that came out wrong!“.

What are your confessions loves? Spill!