My first heartbreak was brutal. I remember the next day I went to church and the words from the Pastor spoke straight to me. I felt God’s love comforting me when I needed it most and I bawled my eyes out and sobbed like a little girl as my friend was trying to comfort me. Kinda embarrassing but God’s love is so big, I felt it wrap around me and it felt amazing.
My second heartbreak was the past 24 hours and it’s even more brutal. This love I thought was it, I could see our future and it all shattered when the truth unfolded. But the truth also has a way of setting you free. There are more possibilities and a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders; I’m thankful for it. God showed me that this person was not the one. If he was, it wouldn’t be this hard to work things out. I admit I was crazy to stick through this and wait 3 months for him, but when the truth came out, I felt a slap of reality and of betrayal in one swoop that all of that meant nothing to him.
I feel extremely blindsided and double shocked. I never thought someone could hurt another person so deeply, but anything is possible. At the end of the day, I need to take care of myself and I don’t deserve the hand I was dealt. I deserve a man who will do anything for me and that includes not doing anything to lose me. A man who understands my worth and how special I am to not let me go. He wasn’t ready and that’s okay, at least now I know.
With each heartbreak, it taught me more about myself and what I will and won’t put up with. Being taken for granted, disrespected, neglected, not being first priority and disloyalty are the types of things that will send me running the other direction. So congratulations! You did it really good this time (/endsarcasm).
Right now my anger and pain is what is driving me forward and I know once it starts to fade away I’ll need my inner strength to remind me that I need to keep moving forward and never look back. Not only is my heart undeniably broken, but I can’t see him the way I used to. The trust is absolutely gone and I see him as a selfish person who seeks anything destructive to fill the sadness in his life. Only God can fill you up, the rest will bring you to your demise.
While I’m on the road of healing, music has always been an integral part of my life. So I made a heartbreak playlist on Spotify, titled “Boy Bye“. Check it out and feel free to comment on any good ones I should listen. Cheers to new beginnings!